'Safe Haven' Is A Bland Time Of Blandy Blandness

Complaining about a Nicholas Sparks movie being overly schmaltzy and predictable is like complaining that it snows in winter. You know what you're getting in both cases; so complaints about any of these qualities are foolish and redundant. Consequently, just like a good filmmaker's previous hits can set him up for a spectacular disappointment, “Safe Haven” actually benefits from the low standards Sparks has previously set up for himself. What would be overly ridiculous and/or just plain insulting in another movie becomes merely par for the course.

The gang's all here: predictable love story with at least one adorable kid? Check. Bland, impossibly beautiful pair of lovers? Check. Predictable story and climax that is at least partially ripped off from another movie? Check. Boring protagonist and villain where it is easy to tell the good guys from the bad? Check and mate.

“Safe Haven” is also a reminder that Hollywood tends to depict small towns in one of two ways: as a cesspool of religious fanaticism and ignorance that must be escaped at all costs, or as an impossibly beautiful, picturesque place populated by kind folks and their folksy wisdom, with at least one being an impossibly beautiful type that is here solely to assist the protagonist and generally be their perfect love interest. And since this is an adaptation of the previously mentioned Nicholas Sparks novel, guess which approach “Safe Haven” decides to go with?

But the road to that 'lil town has a few bumps along the way for our heroine Katie, played Julianne Hough, of “Dancing With The Stars.” (While this movie doesn't feature her signature moves, the movie still gets a lot of mileage out of her impossibly perfect body.) We first see her running out of her house covered in blood and just barely escaping from the police at a bus station. When the bus makes a stop in the seaside town of Southport (yeah, there is really no originality to be found here), North Carolina, it apparently makes an impression, since she spontaneously decides to make it her home.

Katie quickly finds a job and home in the form of a cabin in the woods, befriends a female neighbor named Jo, and almost immediately catches the eye of a very good-looking convenience store owner named Alex. His wife passed away from cancer two years ago, leaving him to raise troubled son Josh, who seethes at the idea of his father replacing his mother, and younger daughter Lexie, the requisite adorable little girl.

Of course, Katie is initially resistant to open up for the sake of storytelling, but soon bonds with Alex and his kids. However, all is not perfectly bland: it turns out, our heroine is wanted for attempted murder, and the detective on her case seems very obsessed with tracking her down (believe it or not, the reason I can't reveal why involves a major spoiler). Of course, since Katie is never portrayed as anything but sympathetic and the sinister music only comes on when the detective is onscreen, you somehow know she has done little or no wrong.

But the movie does actually have a surprise or two that will tide you over until the next one. There will always be a next one, since apparently these movies do have an audience and continue to be so profitable that Sparks basically admitted that he now writes his books with an eye on how well they could be adapted to the screen. So while “Safe Haven” deserves all the bad press and reviews it gets, I just can't be that harsh on a movie that aims for so little. Well, as long as they know their place. Maybe I'll go watch one of the “Step Up” movies.

Grade: C-