Cheap Advice, Unbiased Answers

Do you wish you had someone to consult on matters of grave importance who was completely disinterested? How can you really ask serious questions from someone who knows you? Isn't discretion the better part of counsel? Why is it that experts always recommend that you hire them?

If you really wish you had someone you could turn to — a pseudo friend, the sort who wouldn't counter by asking you for help, a virtual uncle (or aunt) who really didn't care too much what you said or asked or revealed with your question, but was more caught up in delivering their opinions — then you have come to the right blogger. 

Dear Abby was great (is great?) but, well — isn't she about 98 or so? On my blog you can dial in  to a solid personality from a man in the mid fifties.

I have a lot of miles left in me, and, I offer: sage advice, entirely free of charge, with absolutely no obligations at all. You dont even have to use it and you never need to worry about returning it!  

Best of all, you dont have to ask for yourself. I recommend always asking "on behalf of a friend," so no one will think you are talking about yourself.  

An added benefit. You may address me by any name you choose....assuming its blog appropriate. "Hey Bud," will do, or "Dear Aunt Waffle" or even "Excuse me, oh Great One."  

In order to get you hooked I will offer a few bits of sage advice you can apply to numerous questions you may have. Remember, these are completely free of charge. 

1. Tell him to hit the road. (This applies to so many questions you may have it is almost generic.)
2. Do nothing. (Actually doing nothing is doing something, but you know what I mean. I was given this advice by an old farmer's widow I was chatting with one day about seepage in my fieldstone basement. She listened to me talk about all the bids I had and possible ways the situation could be addressed, some of which ran into the tens of thousands of dollars. Then, she said, squinting at me, "I would do nothing." Bada boom. Bada bing. It was like the Godfather's famous offer. And it was some of the best advice I ever had. 
3. Put it off one week and then see if you want it. (This would put too heavy a toll on many situations — for instance, feeding yourself when hungry, looking for a fire extinguisher when you smell smok, and responding to a partner in amorous situations — but, it is a time honored all purpose bit of sage advice that could save you thousands of dollars in the right situation. 

OK — there you are! Get your friends questions lined up on anything, any topic at all, nothing too crazy for this guy — I can field any ball. Hit me. Hooey! I am here for you.