Conceal Carry Law Makes Me Wonder

I had a question from a real man about the conceal and carry law and it prompted me to actually think about weapons.

His question had to do with finding something really stylish ... a statement weapon ... and I had no problem fielding that one. I recommended trebuchets. 

Quite honestly (fingers crossed) I think we should all be assigned weapons as we grow up — but not weapons you can conceal. The concealed thing kind of freaks me out, I mean — who knows what that hump is on someone back, the weird bulge in their knapsack or why someone puts a helmet on before lifting their purse?

No, I say, "If your packin' ... Honk!" Show it! Be weapon proud.

But, of course, this is satire. I don't really believe we should all carry concealed weapons. I think we need to open up other categories for conceal and carry. (I may have mentioned that celebrity how to paint guy who carried a baby squirrel in his Oshkosh overalls. Another blog. But that's a big weird for me.)

In Wisconsin, I suggest we pass a conceal and carry law for food items. It should be legal, and I am not sure it is, to hide a bag of cheese curds under your trench coat when you're out in public on Friday night. I know I have slipped into movies with a thermos of coffee and would have been bounced had it dropped to the ground.

There may even be a self defense angle here. Isn't it possible if you shove two bananas in your side pockets that a would be mugger might think twice about what caliber they are? And a Daikon radish swung by someone who is good at baseball could double as a billy club.

This is extreme — if someone takes a shot at you, you burst that tomato you have concealed in your shirt and play dead. But, you could go through a lot of tomatos before someone finally takes a shot at you — I am just brainstorming here.

Conceal and carry as sub sandwich, making sure it's sacked in plastic of course so the dressing doesn't run out, and you are ready for a brown out, ready to get stuck in a snow drift for a day, ready to distract an attacker by asking if they have eaten lately, etc.

. I invented them. They are a cross between donuts and scones, and are very tasty. You may get a permit from me to conceal and carry Sconuts at any time. Its $4.95, to cover shipping and handling ... or whatever. What would you like to conceal and carry?