Five Step Guide to Surviving a World Economic Crisis

Periodically people seek me out for advice on a range of subjects.

In 1997, someone asked me about local directions, for instance.

Unfortunately, I was in from out of town on that occasion and had no idea how to get the dude where he needed to go — but I was happy to assist. It's a burden I carry with humility and grace.

The world has been in an economic crisis for many years. Some of you have, no doubt, noticed this. Greece knows about it. A lot of folks do. The word is out.

So, it didn't shock me when I was asked to do an interview for a virtual rag on Surviving in Business — although it is sort of like asking a meat packer how to do brain surgery. As always, I was loaded with advice.

A few pointers I can give you for free (the whole package with the DVDs, workbook and glow necklaces cost an amazing $149.95) are:

1. Just work for someone else, preferably in a field that is vital to life on the planet, like computer gaming design or soft drinks or the hair dye industry. I call this the "Stay out of Business Model."
2. Come up with an offer no one can refuse. Invent something that is unbelievably attractive and sell it for less than anyone can imagine you making a profit on. This is from the "Crazy Fool Model of Business Management."
3. The "Denial Model" is effective, but only for a limited time. Quit paying taxes, don't open mail, pay only employees (or it will be a very limited model) and sing that "Don't Worry ... Be Happy," song that even Bobby Mac Ferron could only make money on for a limited time.
4. Start rich. This is the "No Need for Profit" model, which is very effective. It overlaps with the "Hobby Business Model." You simply dress up like a business person in your field, go to your shop or firm ... and pretend you are running a company. When the economy rebounds, you are still rich because your real money was invested in income averaging stocks, not your company.
5. Create an advice business on "How to make Money Without Knowing Anything." Toss the folks a few tantalizing and impressive bits of advice they could get out of any business rag to validate your authority, take pictures of yourself in front of rich people's homes leaning on their cars, and whip together some sort of step-by-step guide for $149.95. The DVDs cost you pennies, the whole ad campaign and workbook a few thousand ... and, you are off and running. 

That's about it for now. Good service, good products, a nice environment will only take you so far. Beyond that, when financial tsunamis are sweeping away AIG's and the Chinese are buying vast percentages of everything (god bless them) you are going to need a few more magic bullets in your creative gun.