Issuing a General Disclaimer on Advice

Are you an authority on anything?

Do you make the world's best fruitcake, could you take apart a Ferrari and put it together again, have you a secret-but-fool-proof way of dealing with mosquitos on camping trips from hell in state parks?

I myself am a jack of few trades and master of none.

Actually — I do have a master's degree in fine art, but that involved some exchange of money — so there is a bit of doubt as to the significance of that monicker. 

My deal is, however, I feel absolutely fine handing out advice on almost any topic. Ask me anything.

And I can spit something out. Just like when you stick a quarter in a gumball machine. Advice rolls out of me like cheap trinkets. 

Planning a little exploratory surgery? I am your go-to guy. The five essential steps to preparation for at-home surgery will pop into my open (empty) mind, in order, needing little to no revision.

Need to trap a large mammal, human or otherwise? Just ask and I will scribble down a foolish ... uh, foolproof ... plan in a small spiral book you can stick in your rucksack.

Self improvement is my middle name. I read at least a hundred self improvement books during one two-year period of my life, underscored 95% of the sentences, bent thousands of corners of pages to remind me where the pearls in each book were lodged — and I am, consequently, advice rich. 

A caveat regarding this single outstanding quality of mine is that I do not stand behind any of my advice. Whether its true or not, I want to offer this general disclaimer to anything I suggest — actually several disclaimers:

1. Do not try this at home

2. If you have any serious health problems, you will want to consult a doctor (of something) before as much as reading my advice.

3. Never try what I am suggesting while operating heavy machinery or while texting and driving. 

4. You did not hear this from me.

Is your advice sound — or are you pretty much like me? Do you shoot from the hip, feigning knowledge in an effort to prop up a sagging ego? Are you a faux know it all? (A real know it all actually does Know it All... ) Do you like to kill time by telling other people what you think they should do ... the armchair quarterback of human endeavors? 

Maybe we should all issue disclaimers.