Taking the Conceal Carry Law Off the Beaten Path

I remember watching one episode of that artist guy with the afro who used to have a "How to Paint" program on TV. Bob Whoever. He is going along doing another one of his patented surefire formulaic paintings and running his "dentist talk," (that lilting meandering sing song banter dentists use to distract you while you are drooling on your bib until they hit a nerve).

Bob Ross — yeah, that's it — is talking about painting. He is saying things like, "Do this and that, double load your brush, paint a trunk in one stroke, paint another tree, it's your painting, it's your little world or whatever, when all of the sudden he chirps up "ewwwwwwwww. What have we here?"

And Gentle Bob reaches into his overalls and pulls out a baby squirrel!

I am not joking. And, of course, this is all supposed to seem normal. He has a little friend in the bib of his bib overalls, and isn't it wonderful to have friends and what not?

My question is, why limit "," to weapons. Sure, weapons are great, we all agree on that. Heck, we are Americans. This is the best armed house on the old block. But, why not pets, for instance? Why can't we also be allowed to conceal and carry other things?

Maybe you're thinking it is legal to carry baby squirrels in your Oskosh B'Gosh jeans, but I am not sure at all that it is. Have you seen a law protecting this right?

Lawyers out there — it would be good to hear from you on the finer points of our legal rights. I am starting to have a lot of questions.

We think this is a free country but does anyone know if, for instance:

1. Is it legal to conceal and carry a bag full of food into a local movie theater? If I am busted with my own popcorn, and maybe a thermos full of coffee or whatever...and say, a sub sandwich, bucket of fried chicken and an order of short ribs under my windbreaker...exactly what could happen to me? 
2. Is it legal to conceal my own book under my shirt and carry it into a public library? Can I only read their books in that space. And, what if I place one of my books on their shelf — is that one of my unalienable rights, too? Suppose I hand wrote it myself and filed it alphabetically and subject matter-wise, where it should go? Ok — I am veering from conceal and carry and of course I don't actually do this ...
3. Is it legal to conceal and carry messages on my person? Are all these strange tattoos actually protected by law or are these under thirties all walking the edge when they get their tramp stamps? God knows what people have indelibly inked on their persons where the sun don't shine.
4. Are thoughts safeguarded? I am wondering now if I can conceal a thought and walk into a public place — legally. Suppose I am thinking something really radical, like, "I think our flag should have one more color on it ... maybe red, white, blue and green," for instance. Or, something truly subversive like, "Maybe there should be more content in the news," and I walk into a public place like Costco. Should someone blow a whistle and get four guys to jump on me? Is it ok to conceal and carry thoughts in your brain? 

I dont know the answers here, but I would like to know what you folks think is OK to conceal and carry. Any baby squirrel carriers out there?

You know who you are. Fess up.