No Ray Of Light In Dark Shadows

Oh Tim Burton, what went wrong here? You had your favorite pets in this movie (Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter), and all the elements that are your specialty: a potentially sympathetic monster, lots of bloody carnage, and romance. The screenplay also featured Seth Grahame-Smith, author of “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.” But “Dark Shadows” looks like someone took all the surface elements of a Tim Burton film, sans his special touch that allow these elements to not only mix well, but also create a visual and emotional spectacle.

The monster in this case is Barnabas Collins, who travels with his family from England to Maine in the 18th century. The town that grows around the fishing industry they start is named Collingsport. When he breaks off an affair with a family servant named Angelique (Eva Green) who turns out to be a witch, she kills his family and his fiance Josette, then puts a curse on Barnabas that turns him into a vampire and seals him inside a coffin until he is released in the year 1972.

He then returns to the family's manor and discovers that his family (complete with a precocious young boy and a sullen, rebellious teenager played by Chloe Grace Moretz) and their business are in disarray. So he decides to help repair both, with only the family matriarch Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer) being aware of his secret. In the process, he starts a romance with the recently hired nanny Victoria Winters (Bella Heathcote) with a mysterious past of her own and bears a great resemblance to Josette.

Unfortunately, he discovers that Angelique is not only alive, but she is running the company that threatens to put his family's out of business. Mayhem and complications soon ensue.

This should be a cakewalk for Burton, and Depp has fun playing Barnabas, the misunderstood outcast that is his specialty. But the movie seems unable to balance the brutal killing scenes with the romance and dark humor. As a result, Barnabas isn't funny or sympathetic in such scenes as when he philosophizes with a bunch of hippies, then kills them all.

This results in Angelique, the woman born to be nothing but a family servant that builds a rival company, almost being the more sympathetic character. But of course, the movie doesn't allow that. Green really tries her best, but the result is the kind of cartoonish, pathetic villain you should only find in B movies.

And while I'm normally hesitant to call a movie anti-woman, but this movie really, really seems to have a problem with them. The matriarch shows that she knows her place in her first scene, Angelique's only goal in life seems to be get Barnabas to love her (she even proposes combining their companies), and pretty much any woman who wants anything more than a kiss from Barnabas is not only a villain, she's brutally murdered. Which, of course, brings us to the love interest Victoria. She and Depp have no chemistry, mainly because they hardly spend any time together. She spends most of the film just looking sweet and pure; she isn't even present at the climax, which features surprises that are barely even hinted at, robbing them of any impact they may have had.

To the film's credit, it doesn't seem as intentional of any of their other missteps. It's hard to apportion out any blame to a film that is basically a confusing, illogical mess. (Like, he burns when the light shines through the window, but if he puts on a hat and glasses outside that's fine??!!) What makes this all the more frustrating is that NONE OF THIS SHOULD BE A PROBLEM. Balancing dark humor, bloody scenes, and romance is Tim Burton trademark; it's what he did so well in Sweeney Todd (and many others). Instead, this film is an insult on every level and every viewer. Save your money and just rent your favorite Tim Burton movie for a better and more genuine experience.

Grade: D