Dealing With Death Focus of New Group

New to Port Washington, Pat Morrissey moved to the city to help community members in a different way: to cope with death.

"It's very difficult when parents lose a child or if it's an untimely death of a parent, but part of what happens is that life goes on, and my job is to help families cope and to be able to go forward," Morrissey said.

Morrissey is launching a volunteer-driven program called "Mourning Cloak." The volunteers facilitate peer support group sessions with children and teens who are dealing with or facing an inevitable death of a loved one. The Mourning Cloak office will be inside the Shoppes of Port Washington, 211 N. Franklin St., Port Washington.

While the group will primarily help children, who Morrissey said are the "forgotten grievers," there will also be support for adults.

"Just as a Mourning Cloak butterfly goes through a life cycle known as complete metamorphosis, so do grieving children," according to the group's pamphlet. "The needs to cocoon, dissolve, imagine, reform and fly are stages of grief."

'Death doesn't bother me'

Before deciding to start a support group system of her own, Morrissey worked as a teacher for 35 years in both urban and suburban settings.

And though her role was teaching coursework, Morrissey said she often found herself becoming the listening ear and the shoulder to lean on — she connected with people during their tough times.

She retired from teaching, but couldn't stand being off duty.

Morrissey volunteered with MargaretAnne's Place in Milwaukee, an organization that helps bring support, education and awareness to children and families dealing with death. MargaretAnne's Place later offered her a job training volunteers and working with the families.

Morrissey also volunteered for the Rainbows program in Ozaukee County, a peer support group that works with kids coping with a death or divorce.

Morrissey said she learned she had a "niche for working with death," and decided to bring those services closer for people living in Ozaukee County.

"Death doesn’t bother me," she said. "Death is a part of life — it’s a whole circle of life."

From rainbows to butterflies

Community members have expressed an interest in getting involved, Morrissey said, including Stephanie Borkin, a mother and widow of a former Thiensville firefighter.

Borkin's husband collapsed about two years ago during a training exercise, she said. Autopsies determined that it was a cardiac arrhythmia, not caused by underlying health issues but rather a "fluke" that sometimes takes the life of an otherwise healthy athlete. Her husband was 42, and her son was 13 at the time.

Borkin and her son joined the Rainbows program in Ozaukee County looking for support.

"It has helped us tremendously on connecting with people on the same level," she said of the group.

Morrissey was the facilitator for the group her son was a part of while participating in the Rainbows program.

Now, Borkin looks forward to volunteering her time and helping more people here through Mourning Cloak on a year-round basis.

"I think there is a need for it — I know that the kids are disappointed when the (Rainbows program) sessions end in March, so the fact that Pat is carrying it on is going to help," Borkin said. "What she’s doing is a really good job — the kids, they’ve really connected with her, so I’m really glad that she’s moving forward with this."

Inspiring healing

The support groups work in such a manner that a member could come to the group with a problem, and get feedback from others on how to cope.

For example, Morrissey pointed to a session where a girl was having a hard time being happy at home because her mom and grandma were so saddened by her grandpa's death, and she was feeling burdened by having to cheer them up.

"So, when she said 'What do I do?' — you turn it back to the group," Morrissey said.

Then the group offers suggestions, and Morrissey listens and builds on those ideas.

Another aspect that aims to help with healing as part of the Mourning Cloak program is art, and local artist Deb Melton, who runs Funky Fine Art in the Shoppes of Port Washington, is heading this part of the effort.

"I'm going to totally donate my time," Melton said. "I am so thrilled to be the art part of healing at Mourning Cloak. This is the best thing, I am so thrilled about this coming to our town."

Melton said the first project planned is a woven water bottle holder. She will be donating supplies for the projects, and hopes the art helps teens, children and adults get their minds off all their problems and offer a chance to be proud of their accomplishment.

Getting involved

The group meetings have a structured curriculum, Morrissey said, and volunteers undergo about 15 hours of training to learn to manage a variety of situations.

The first volunteer training starts at 5:30 to 9 p.m. June 8 in the community room of the , 365 N. Wisconsin St. Additional dates for training will then be determined by the group.

If you would like to volunteer, RSVP to Morrissey at 414-704-7640 by June 1 for the first training session.

If you don't have time to volunteer but would still like to donate to the cause, there are a number of ways to do so:

• Make a monetary donation of any amount to Mourning Cloak;
• Sponsor a child's attendance, which costs $1,200 for one year;
• Purchase and donate a number of items of Mourning Cloak's wish list, including stamps, gift cards to Walmart, Michael's, Office Max, Sam's Club or Costco for supplies or Amazon for grief literature, printer paper, one-inch three-ring binders, markers and crayons, paints and brushes, glue and more.